As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
did you just send me my own nude
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
