I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
