Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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