Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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