At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
