Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
