Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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