What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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