my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
