I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
