Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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