Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
