In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
