Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
