I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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