no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
