I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
