hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
