The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
