Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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