I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
