My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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