his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
