You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
