Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
