Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
