I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
