Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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