I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
