Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i now understand why vodka
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
