On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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