i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
