dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
