I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
