oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
