You're completely useless in the revolution.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
