i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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