What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she told me i tasted like america
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
