i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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