Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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