rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
