i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i came on her dog
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize