I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
