Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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