someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i believe in u and ur pee
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
