where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
