I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
