I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
