"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
