brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
