HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
