wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
