Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
