Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
