You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
