wrigley field is MILF paradise
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
