You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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