Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She even gives head with a lisp.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
