I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
