There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
