Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
