So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
