i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
