so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
