i would punch a child for taco bell
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
